Happy New Year!
What better way to start off the year than by looking back at my not so successful food attempts in 2017? They may not be as terrible as the ones that made this awesome list (hilarious!) but then again, these are only the ones where I happened to have a camera nearby. The rest of my food fails will remain between me, the stove, and the garbage can.
#1 – Strawberry Chiffon Cake
Technically, this is a 2016 fail but I had to include it. I jumped on the Momofoku Milkbar train a little late and decided to make a naked cake. Except – it really needed not to be naked. Did I scrape the cake layers out because I forgot to spray the sides of the pans? Did I not have enough whipping cream in the fridge? Because it looks like I was being stingy with the frosting when in fact, I was probably trying to be artsy. (side note: despite the way it looks, this cake was uber moist and TASTY!)
#2 – Strawberry Icebox Cake
More strawberries. But this time I owe them an apology. I took the “final” shots of this cake the day AFTER I made it and I just ask myself “why, why, Whyyy?”. The shots might have had a chance on the day I made it before the graham cracker layers became a pile of soggy mush. Ick.
#3 – Cheesy Breakfast Potatoes
Epic before and after photo fail.
These actually taste good and are on our regular rotation. I make these for Alex in the morning for breakfast and he eats at school before classes start. So one morning I thought, I should photo document and share it!
Nah man, nah.
#4 – Spanish Rice
Speaking of photo fails, this is another in our regular rotation that I make and tastes good! But I could not for the life of me make it properly on the day I decided to photo shoot it. A big shout out to the males who live in this house who ate it anyway. 🙂
#5 – Cinnamon Blueberry Muffin Tops
You guys, look past the photos and trust me when I say these taste sooooo good! I made them 2-3 times this past year and the last time I made them, I decided to use my new muffin top pans!
And because I thought the idea of baking them as muffin tops was a neato idea, I decided to photo document that batch.
The muffin tops were in tears. Literally. And let’s fire that food stylist.
#6 – Horchata
I want this to work. I NEED this to work! Alex is in love with horchata and together we’ve tried all sorts of recipes and variations of each recipe and while we think we have the ingredients and method down, we’re still playing around with the measurements.
This was one of our first batches, when I was lazy and ignored the straining instructions because…can’t we handle a little grit?
Warning: choking hazard.
#7 – Onigiri
Alex: “Mom, can you make me onigiri for school lunches?” Me: “Sure I can!…What is it?”
These are just the CUTEST little suckers.
I already make a few sushi rolls and poke salads for the boys so after I watched 5,624 youtube videos on how to make these, I figured, no prob!
Dude. My hands do not have the ability to shape sushi rice into triangles. And the filling. Alex said his friends use salmon but he insisted on having steak as the filling. By the time I got enough rice to surround the meat AND form it AND wrap the nori around it…um…the meat was ice cold. Ice cold meat wrapped in rice. Yum.
This was like a 3 hour labor of love. Only for you, Alex. Only for you.
#8 – Oooey Gooey Butter Cake Bars
I had high hopes for this one! Everything went well until it did a bait & switch in the oven. One large hot mess. What are you and how did you end up looking like that?
#9 – Baltimore “Bergers” Cookies
I thought, how hard could these be? Quick, let me whip up a batch so people can come home to fancy looking cookies! Gawd, I can’t describe the texture of the chocolate frosting? Icing? Whatever it was supposed to be, seized up really fast and I couldn’t get it spread on the cookies fast enough. It was like working with fast drying cement. Cement that doesn’t want to stick to anything. It would not stick to the cookie base! It was like a batch cookies made with play-doh.
No. Just no.
For these recipes, thank you to my hubby for being desperate and hungry enough to eat them anyway. And to my boys — there’s no shame in running away from the kitchen when mommy makes scary food.
I’d love to hear about your 2017 fails!